i hate to write "cancer is intelligent than the sum of all its parts" . my ego takes a beating to say that cancer is powerful.
i was having this discussion with a dear friend of mine, and he pointed to an insight that is very profound.
"cancer is a lesson on why fittest survive".
even more disturbing is the fact that, almost every medicine that is available on this planet to fight cancer is designed to defend a territory already conquered by cancer.
my aunt too lost the battle. she is among the millions who breathed away their life battling cancer. she was treated by the finest doctors available to her. but cancer has its way of jumping back, just when we think its done.
she left behind my beautiful cousins.
looking back to the last few days, endlessly praying, crying, shedding remorseful tears, talking, finding excuses for her to stay along, i guess i was finding reasons for her to keep my part alive.
she was never my aunt. she was like my elder sister and we would often bicker over silly things.
with her she took away a part of me, a part i was trying to preserve and keep alive.
her struggle through the radiation cycles, the chemos that followed, looked effortless, and i wonder if she really had any problems. she was smiling all the way, infact she smiled through all her life troubles as well.
all she cared always, in all ways was well being for her kids. the schools they were put into, the upbringing they had to the care and the concern they were given.
sometimes the bounds are set so tight that we just end up hitting against the invisible wall.
if each of us is blessed with free will to make a choice and carve our destinies, then does it mean we create our fate too. dont know.
cut back to last two years. we never felt she was suffering. she was energy filled among all her co-patients and she would gossip even there!!!
since early this year, her state started deteriorating. each complication led to the other. normal problems like cough and cold would leave a pneumonia patch in her lungs and infect her severely. cancer ate away into her immunity when it learnt it was failing.
cancer taught me and pushed me against the wall. it showed me how small i am.
i also feel, cancer was the best thing happened to her. it muted all her pain, her agony , the mental turmoil that she went through here. cancer didnt kill her, it can never do, it was her shortcut to the peaceful attic.
she's high up there silently watching in peace, as we are tangled up in the mirth of life.
i was having this discussion with a dear friend of mine, and he pointed to an insight that is very profound.
"cancer is a lesson on why fittest survive".
even more disturbing is the fact that, almost every medicine that is available on this planet to fight cancer is designed to defend a territory already conquered by cancer.
my aunt too lost the battle. she is among the millions who breathed away their life battling cancer. she was treated by the finest doctors available to her. but cancer has its way of jumping back, just when we think its done.
she left behind my beautiful cousins.
looking back to the last few days, endlessly praying, crying, shedding remorseful tears, talking, finding excuses for her to stay along, i guess i was finding reasons for her to keep my part alive.
she was never my aunt. she was like my elder sister and we would often bicker over silly things.
with her she took away a part of me, a part i was trying to preserve and keep alive.
her struggle through the radiation cycles, the chemos that followed, looked effortless, and i wonder if she really had any problems. she was smiling all the way, infact she smiled through all her life troubles as well.
all she cared always, in all ways was well being for her kids. the schools they were put into, the upbringing they had to the care and the concern they were given.
sometimes the bounds are set so tight that we just end up hitting against the invisible wall.
if each of us is blessed with free will to make a choice and carve our destinies, then does it mean we create our fate too. dont know.
cut back to last two years. we never felt she was suffering. she was energy filled among all her co-patients and she would gossip even there!!!
since early this year, her state started deteriorating. each complication led to the other. normal problems like cough and cold would leave a pneumonia patch in her lungs and infect her severely. cancer ate away into her immunity when it learnt it was failing.
cancer taught me and pushed me against the wall. it showed me how small i am.
i also feel, cancer was the best thing happened to her. it muted all her pain, her agony , the mental turmoil that she went through here. cancer didnt kill her, it can never do, it was her shortcut to the peaceful attic.
she's high up there silently watching in peace, as we are tangled up in the mirth of life.
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